In the haze of a dreamy dream
by Juan Moore
Summary: Bella loves  Edward but Edwarsd loved Jacob. ZOMG Love triangle. What will happen!
1. When worlds combust

Bella was marvelling at Edward's enormous sparkly potential. She didn't want to wait any longer; she needed to get him inside her immediately. But he was a distracted man. He couldn't think of anything he could do to make himself lustful because Jacob was a werewolf and he was into bestiality. Bella was simply distraught as she wanted to be the one who lit Edward's torch. If she knows how to give head decently, Edward might fancy a quickie. She immediately practiced on a gherkin.

Meanwhile, Bella's eyes lit up the room. They glowed like a glow worm. Edward didn't find it attractive though, he was ogling someone else – Jacob. Gay rights were all he could think about right then, because the Christians wanted to ensure nobody who was a gay could get a cock. There suddenly happened to be a huge rainbow in Jacob's window; the signs were all obvious. The lovely Edward was determined to win Jacob's affections, by any means necessary. Even illegal or disgusting means. So he armed himself with lube and cucumbers and went to Jacob's front passage. He was nervous but there you go. "What are YOU doing here, especially with those items!" cried Jacob.

"I've got a proposition for you," said Edward haughtily yet shitting on his knees. "There's something I'd like to do to you and your body. And it's a whole cucumber. How will you like that?" moaned someone who never re- appeared.

Jacob was astonished. He had an easily measurable level of erection. "I don't want to go too fast. But I wouldn't mind giving you a massage." This pleased Edward because he was willing to take him any time he liked, even if there were repercussions.

SUDDENLY out of nowhere, Dumbledore appeared. "I've never seen anything so delightful in my life!" he intoned. For the longest time he laughed out loud, because he loved a bit of egg nog.

So Dumbledore died. Edward meanwhile was constructing a plan to get Jacob's trousers off. His massive obligation to vampires didn't matter because that was the bees honeypot. Jacob always had honey for emergencies, especially for toast. He ate some toast. Using a implement, he ladelled juices onto Edward's back for the massage. It was divine. "Ooh yes!" cried Edward and Bella (she had followed a taxi to get her man). But Jacob remained aroused. He slid his fingers down Edward's back passage.

Shocked at this, Bella decided to show Edward how to do massages. But Jacob screamed in surprise and turned on-ness. He really needed to get his act together, and so he growled as he transformed into a dog.

Edward looked on in a way that suggested he wanted a good hard seeing to.

END OF CHAPTER 1. MORE TO COME :-) !11!


	2. The final beginning

CHAPTER 2!11!

It was a beautiful and glorious day. Edward had been allowing Jacob some leeway and he wanted to make sweet sweat with him. Sparkling lemonade was abundant amongst the vampires, especially the pretty ones, so Jacob decided to get some. Maybe then he could spend some quality time with his wannabe soulmate.

It felt like a plan. So armed with the bottles of lovejuice (lemonade for vampires) off he went. Edward was surprised by his surprise. The gorgeous appearance of Jacob was pleasant and not bad at arousing him.

"Oh, Hi! What are you even doing here?" asked Alice. Jacob said: "I wanted to see Edward not you so please can you get out?"

Alice didn't like his attitude but she thought he might be sincere so off she went.

"EDWARD!" ejaculated Jacob happily. He wasn't that bothered cos he also needed a excuse to be close to him. However Bella interfered.

"What have we done? I thought you were Simon," she intoned. "it's been nothing like what I've had to eat this morning!" Jacob Wasn't having any of these silly interruptions so he ran like the werewolf he was to the top of the mountains where he lived. Fortunately Edward followed him all the way.

"Oh! Thank you for coming if you know what I mean," he grinned, "and do have a seat."

"I've got some lemonade for our lubricant." Said Jacob suggestively. He produced the bottles from his cavity and poured it on Edward.

"Mmmmmmmm! Jacob, I want you to take a minute to think about sex."

Suddenly Jacob stopped. His instincts told him that even throbbing as he was, Edward might be not gay. He looked and looked and stared intently.

"Are we gays? Or just having a good time?"

"whichever is better duh." Said Edward. But he wasn't so convinced because this was the exact same thing Bella was saying about them and Jacob and Edward so it came to pass .

Unimpressed by this, Jacob threw his lover on the ground and gave him a kick ass kick.

THE END OMG WILL JACOB FORGIVE EDWARD? WAIT AND SEE!11!


End file.
